And The Band Plays Some Song
by Nightlife Eyes
Summary: And The Band Plays Some Song About Forgetting Yourself For A While. 5th in my 'The Tape Deck Songs' Series. AU dean/jo, sam/amber ofc  PLEASE READ & REVIEW! He sighs, putting away thoughts of the perfect life he's never had but always wanted.


**Title: **And The Band Plays Some Song About Forgetting Yourself For A While  
**Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing: **Dean/Jo  
**Summary: **Dean can't let go of the past and that leads to problems when Sam does and even more when Sam tries to force Dean to as well.  
**A/N:** AU, title taken from _'Sometime Around Midnight'_ by Airborne Toxic Event, takes place after _'We Were Made To Never Fall Away'_ _'If We Could See That This Was All We Need' 'The Broken Lights On The Freeway Have Left Me Here Alone' _and _'I Am So Homesick Now For Some Place I Will Never Be'_.

**DISCLAIMER: i don't own Supernatural or its characters only Amber (Sam's wife) and their two daughters Mary and Anna, i don't own Airborne Toxic Event or their song 'Sometime Around Midnight'**

It's Bobby who comes to him Sam and Amber are back from their honeymoon, Dean doesn't go and visit, Bobby didn't suggest it, Sam and Amber probably don't want to see him. Dean tries to black out years of his life from his memory, his liver protests but it does no good. He always pays the next morning but never cares the night before. Sam and Amber moved, a bigger house, a better neighbourhood, he knows this because of Bobby, Sam is promoted, again Bobby is the one to pass on this news. Bobby again who comes to him and tells him, Amber's pregnant.

Dean tries to be happy but Bobby sees right through him and they drink in silence, Bobby leaves and Dean passes out on the couch and spends the rest of the night seeing all that could have been. He thinks of all the ways that she could tell him, showing him the test, writing him a note, suggesting turning the spare room into a nursery (where else is the baby going to sleep? Certainly not in the closet).

_Jo smiles when she tells him, she can't control it, her smile wraps around her words, he grins and picks her up, spinning her around, Jo laughs beside his ear, her breath warm and beautiful. He puts his hand over her stomach and swears he can feel their child. Her stomach swell and she complains to him about it, tells him her ass is getting huge, he agrees and she hits him across the chest, she goes to leave in a huff but he pulls her back to him.  
"Hey listen, you're beautiful and I love you." he says.  
"Yeah well you better." She informs him settling in against him. "It's your fault I'm fat."  
"You're not fat." he tells her. "Trust me babe you turned me on before but now, you've got my kid inside you, that's something else, you're even more beautiful."  
Jo kisses him for that and Dean smiles against her lips._

_The baby kicks beneath his hand and Dean smiles, Jo sings REO Speedwagon to her stomach and Dean laughs, nothing could be better than this._

_The day comes when Jo tells him in no uncertain terms to hurry the fuck up and he prays she doesn't get any 'fluids' in the Impala's seats, she can read his mind.  
"For god's sake Dean if you don't drive a little faster you'll have to clean your seats." She threatens and it's the right motivation, he presses his foot down harder on the accelerator, they get to the hospital and Jo quickly makes friends with the nurses by terrifying them beyond belief, one gives him a sympathetic look and Dean almost laughs at her, one of the reasons he loved Jo was because she'd tell you what she thought of you straight upon meeting you, either that or she'd punch you in the face. Jo squeezes his hand so tight he's afraid it'll break but he doesn't complain, the doctor tells her to push and Jo tells him she'll push alright, her foot up his ass, with each contraction Jo swears and shoots him dirty looks, she alternates between vowing they'll never have sex again and promising to kill him in his sleep because of the pain she's in, Dean just looks away and smiles.  
"It's ok Mrs Winchester." The doctor says. "The baby's out now, congratulations, you're a Mum."  
Jo smiles.  
"I'm a mum." She repeats smiling up at him, Dean doesn't even try to pretend he's not crying.  
"Congratulations to you too Dad." The doctor says to Dean.  
"You were amazing Jo." Dean tells her. The nurses take the baby over to the side to clean it up and wrap it in a blanket.  
"I love you, you know that?" Dean adds, wanting to make sure she knows.  
"Yeah I know, I love you too." Jo says and Dean kisses her forehead, they both turn to the doctor who brings over their baby.  
"Ok Baby Winchester time to meet Mum and Dad." The doctor says._

Dean wakes up, disappointed for so many reasons, he never even got to know if he had a son or a daughter. He wouldn't have cared either way, he imagines a daughter with Jo's eyes and Jo's mouth, then he takes it back, Jo's mouth, no, he shouldn't have to shoot too many teenage boys for things they couldn't control, Jo's mouth, her lips, her tongue, her smile they were hypnotising. Still he sees a son he can take to baseball games and teach to shoot pool, he sees a daughter he can teach how to throw a good right hook just in case and who he can cheer on in her dance recitals, then he hears Jo tell him not to be so gender stereotypical and he thinks it would be nice to know his daughter can fix her own car and load her own gun, he wants to make sure his son has a different upbringing to him, wants him to be able to realise when he loves somebody and not be so afraid he wastes so much time he misses everything that could have been. He knows their son would be protective of his sister, Dean would make sure of it and Jo would make equally sure that their daughter would hardly need it.

Dean shakes his head to rid himself of all the thoughts of a happy family, he sits up and rubs his eyes, there's a fuzzy taste in his mouth, he stand and his back complains, his liver hates him for all the drinking, his muscles hate him for sleeping on the couch and the rest of him hates him for waking up in the first place. Dean stumbles into the bathroom to shower, the hot water cuts out halfway through, Dean hardly even notices until it comes back on ten minutes later. He doesn't bother to shave and ends up eating slightly stale cereal, four or five days old. He dresses in relatively clean clothes and watches his phone ring.

_3 missed calls._

Dean chucks it in a draw and goes out the garage to work on his car. He doesn't call to congratulate Sam and Amber. He doesn't think they'd accept his calls anyway. Bobby comes over with a new spark plug for him and tells him the baby's been born, it's a girl, Mary her name is, Dean just nods. Bobby finally has enough and leaves. For once Dean doesn't drink, he just sits in the dark and cries. For himself, for Jo, for the children they'll never have, for Ellen, for his father, for his mother, for his brother and for having a niece he knows he won't meet for a long time.

Dean is right.

Mary is five when she first meets her Uncle Dean, she's already had her first day of school and already lost her first tooth, already has her first best friend, a girl named Nicole who has the best set of crayons and likes playing dolls, she's already broken her arm for the first time, falling off a fence Amber had told her not to climb, she's already kissed a boy even, Danny Bradshaw, Amber's best friend's son, under the slippery dip at the park. She is all grown up and Dean is a stranger to her.

Amber was the one who called him, at first Dean thought it was about Sam, Sam being hurt or dead or something but she tells him it's ok, Sam's fine, Sam misses him but won't admit it, Sam's a lawyer in a small firm, close to becoming a partner, Sam's a father again, she's just had their second daughter, Amber tells him she's sick of their 'brotherly shit' and says he needs to get his ass in gear and come meet his family. Dean agrees, Amber reminds him a little of Ellen, scary as hell when she wants to be, besides he's been missing Sam, missing Amber even, missing the niece he's never known.

He meets her in the waiting room, when she tells him rather bluntly that he's sitting on her friend Dean can't see anyone and goes to tell her but the kid is five and should be allowed to have imaginary friends without him jumping to conclusions about evil spirits so he moves seats, just one to the left but still, then he tells her not to talk to strangers.

"_I'm not stupid, my Mum already told me that and I don't." She says then adds. "You're not a stranger anyhow."  
"I'm not?" Dean asks, an eyebrow raised as he watches the girl run a brush through her dolls hair.  
"No." She says.  
"Then who am I?" Dean asks.  
"My Mum showed me your picture, you and my Daddy and a pretty blonde lady." Mary says looking up at him with Sam's green eyes. "She said you're my Uncle Dean."  
That's when he hears Sam's voice behind him telling Mary not to talk to strangers.  
"I'm not Daddy." Mary says. "It's Uncle Dean."  
Dean turns and Sam is shocked to say the least.  
"Hi Sammy." He says standing._

Dean goes along with Sam to take Mary to see her mother, Amber nods at them to go and talk and they do leaving Mary to tell Amber all about how Dean sat on her friend. Out in the parking lot Sam tells Dean he shouldn't smoke, Dean just nods and doesn't tell Sam not to mother him, he doesn't even remember picking up the habit. Still only half way down Dean stubs it out and drops it to the ground.

"I'm glad you're here." Sam says.

"Amber called me." Dean explains but that's all he needs to say.

"Congratulations Sammy." He says after a moment. "She got a name yet?"

"I was thinking about naming her Joanna, if that's ok with you." Sam says almost tentatively. Dean is surprised to find himself smiling.

"I think that would be nice." He says.

"I've missed you Dean." Sam says.

"Yeah I know Amber told me, you're such a girl." Dean teases and then wonders if it's too soon but Sam smiles.

"Jerk." He says.

"Bitch." Dean smiles.

He goes with Sam up to Amber's room, Sam takes Mary home because tomorrow's a Wednesday and she has school. Dean goes to leave but Amber asks him to stay, just until Sam gets back with dinner and Dean stays. He's never really liked Amber and he knows she's never liked him but for some reason it's easier to talk to her than it is Sam.

"I'm sorry you know." Dean says. Even Amber realises this is a special moment, Dean Winchester hardly ever apologised.

"I know." Amber says.

"I didn't mean to say what I said." Dean says.

"It's ok, I know." Amber says but Dean still feels guilty.

"No it's not I was angry and drunk and I shouldn't have been such a jackass." Dean says.

"No but if you weren't what else would you be?" Ambers asks and then she smiles, Dean smiles too.

"Yeah I bet life's been pretty boring with only polite people around you." he says.

"I think I'd have to agree with you there." Amber says, she waits a moment then speaks again. "Listen I hope it's ok to name her Joanna, it was Sam's idea but if you're not comfortable with it please tell me."

"No it's ok, it's nice." Dean says. "But isn't there anyone you want to name her after? I mean you already gave Sam Mary."

"I've been pretty lucky in that department." Amber admits. "I offered to give him Jessica too but he let me take Lynn, my father's mother, I really loved her."

"That's nice." Dean says and Amber nods.

"I'm glad you've come back Dean." she says.

"Me too." Dean smiles.

Sam comes back with dinner for Amber, hospital food sucks and Amber's just spent five hours in labour with Sam's second daughter, he owes her and he knows it, her favourite meal from her favourite restaurant. Dean goes to leave when Sam comes back, they can pretend as much as they like but it's still a little awkward. As he reaches the door a nurse wheels in the baby's crib.

"Do you want to hold her?" Sam asks. Dean looks over to Amber who gives him a nod of approval.

"Ok." He says and sits down in a chair, his arms ready, the nurse gives him the bundle of blankets and Dean instantly freaks out, what if he drops her? The nurse just smiles.

"You'll be fine." She tells him. "Just hold her close to you and support her head."

Dean nods and does as best as he can, Sam comes over to them smiling so wide.

"Hey Jo, this is your uncle Dean." He says to his new daughter, Dean looks up at him and then down at the baby in his arms.

"Hi Jo." He says his voice and heart breaking, it's too much, he can't say her name, not even after all this time, but what can he do about it now, he already said it was ok and Sam and Amber are so happy. He's already hurt them too much, he can't take this away.

A few months later everything seems to be back to normal for Sam and Amber, it's strange to Dean to be around normalcy, he takes to calling Little Jo Anna, Amber seems to understand and Dean's grateful for that, there can never be another Jo. Sam once tried to say something but he stopped as soon as he started, Dean was glad because if he hadn't Dean would have made him and he doesn't want to miss another five years of his brother's life. Everybody accepts that Jo is Anna to Dean. Mary, having grown accustomed her uncle's presence, tells him again and again _'that's not her name'_ Amber always comes to his rescue and says _'Uncle Dean is allowed to give people nicknames'_ one day Mary asks why she doesn't have one and Dean feels guilty for all the time he spends with Anna but he didn't think Mary liked him, maybe she didn't because he didn't try and get her too.

"_There's not her name." Mary tells him.  
"Mary it's ok for Uncle Dean to call her Anna." Ambers says.  
"No it's not." Mary shouts. "It's stupid," she turns to Dean, "You're stupid, I wish you didn't ever even come back."  
"Mary Lynn Winchester that is not a nice thing to say and not a nice way to speak." Amber reprimands her daughter. "You say you're sorry to your Uncle Dean."  
"No." Mary exclaims and with a stomp of her foot she turns and runs out into the backyard. Amber goes to follow but Dean offers and Amber agrees. Mary is sitting on her swing, kicking the dirt below her angrily and Dean comes over to her.  
"Go away." She demands stubbornly.  
"Mary what's wrong?" Dean asks, Mary sniffles.  
"You don't like me so much as the new baby." she pouts.  
"Yes I do Mary, I'm sorry if I've been spending too much time playing with the baby." Dean says.  
"You." he tells her lifting her chin to look at her face, red from crying. "Are very special to me munchkin."  
"I'ma not a munchkin." Mary protests wiping her eyes.  
"Then what do you want to be?" Dean asks.  
"I want to be a singer, like Hannah Montana." Mary says.  
"And I bet you will be." Dean says. "But until then you can be my superstar, how about that?"  
"Ok." Mary agrees climbing off the swing and starting to walk inside.  
"Come on." She says turning back to him. "We can play Barbies."_

"_Come on Skipper let's go shopping." Mary says moving Barbie across the floor.  
"Ok Barbie." Comes Dean high pitched voice as he moves the Skipper doll after Barbie.  
Sam burst out laughing from the doorway and Dean and Mary looked over at him.  
"Daddy you're home." Mary grins and jumps up to hug him.  
"Hey sweetheart, have you had fun today?" Sam asks.  
"Yeah me and Uncle Dean are playin Barbies." Mary beams.  
"I can see that." Sam says grinning at Dean. "Having fun?"  
Dean scowled.  
"Shut up Sam." He mutters putting the Barbie down.  
"Ooooo swear jar." Mary grins. Dean looks at Sam for confirmation.  
"Anytime you swear you have to put a dollar in the jar in the kitchen." He explains. Dean rummages around in his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to Mary.  
"You got a piggy bank?" he asks her and Mary nods her head empathetically, eyes wide at the five dollar bill.  
"How about you go put that in there instead of the swear jar?" Dean suggests and Mary takes it and heads off to her room, she stops at her father and gets him to kneel down to her level.  
"Uncle Dean didn't say a swear." She says and Sam smiles.  
"Ok." He agrees and Mary runs off to her room._

Sam comes to him in the morning and gives him coffee over alcohol, Dean drives for once, it always used to be Sam, Dean never wanting to go, Sam almost gives him directions but Dean is always one step ahead of him, it makes Sam wonder how many times he's been there, how many times he's visited without him, he tries not to feel some sort of irrational anger or jealousy over that fact that he'd never want to go with him. He went without Dean, mostly because it wasn't worth the hassle to force him to come. They drive in silence, Sam suggests some music, Dean flicks on the radio, flipping from station to station. Nothing good, they both agree that the music these days is terrible. Dean rummages through the glove box, eyes still on the road, he grabs a tape and puts it in, it doesn't matter what it is because they're both involved in their own thoughts, Sam watches Dean runs his fingers over the tape, the one of him and Jo so many years ago, Dean smiles faintly and takes the next left. Sam smiles and looks over the window, ten years ago today they fought to save the world from unimaginable evil and they won, mostly. Ten years ago today Jo and Ellen died so the rest of the world could live.

Dean lets Sam talk first, Sam was always better with words than he was, he stayed in the car until Sam came back.

"I'll wait here." He said climbing into the passenger seat, Dean nodded and got out of the car, he walked slowly to his destination, Sam and thought ahead for both of them and bought flowers that now lay on their graves. He talks to Ellen first, it's easier somehow, he tells her about how he always admired her and respected her and how he's sorry he couldn't save her, even sorrier he couldn't save her daughter, he knows she'd want that more. Talking with Jo is harder and he cries, he tells her about his dreams of her and their lives together and tells her loves her. He kneels down to the ground and takes the ring out of its box, he wants her to have it.

"I love you." he tells her and presses the ring as deep as he can into the ground and covers it, rearranging the flowers just so. He walks back to the car and gets in, Sam looks over.

"Ready to go?" he asks.

"Thank you Sam." Dean says.

"Really it's ok." Sam says. Dean nods and starts the Impala's engine. He and Sam make the drive back in silence too, it's not uncomfortable though, Sam might want to talk but knows Dean can't right now, Dean is grateful he doesn't ask him how he's feeling, he drops Sam off, Mary and Anna are playing in the front yard.

"Daddy, Uncle Dean." Mary smiles, Anna crawls along after her.

"Dada, Unca D." She babbles. Sam kisses Mary on the head and picks Anna up to sit her on her hip as Dean backs down the driveway.

"Why isn't Uncle Dean staying?" Mary asks a frown of confusion replacing her smile.

"He can't today sweetheart." Sam says and Dean drives away.

Three hours later Amber brings him dinner knowing he won't cook and wanting to make sure he eats.

"I made too much." She lies, Dean lets her think he believes her.

"Thanks." He says. Amber nods, she stays for a little longer, straightening up his living room, she catches his eye and stops. It's awkward for a moment, neither one of them know what to do with the other.

"I'm going to." Amber says. Dean nods and walks her to the door, Amber stops at the porch and turns back to him, surprising them both by wrapping her arms around him and hugging her. She pulls away and it's like it never happened, they're both ok with that.

"Tomorrow." Amber says. "12 o clock, don't be late."

Dean nods, Mary's dance recital, he won't miss it.

Dean doesn't remember when it happened but he has somehow became the official babysitter, to his nieces, not that he minds at all, it's strange for him to be a part of their lives, a family life that's foreign to him. The first time he babysat Mary had just got a makeup kit for her birthday off one of Amber's sisters, her puppy dog eyes always get him, even now, Dean broke down and eventually allows his niece to make him over and then falls asleep on the couch with her, Sam has too much fun with that for a week, Amber puts the photo on the fridge and Dean tries to outlive the embarrassment. Tonight though Sam's law firm is having an awards dinner and Dean's babysitting services are called upon again, this time there are no makeovers. He lets them stay up half an hour after their bedtime because he's cool Uncle Dean but then it's time for bed. Neither girl mind so much, Mary pretends to be going to bed to because if she doesn't Anna won't go.

"Come on I'll tell you a bedtime story." Dean says and Mary rolls her eyes. Mary's 10 and far too old for bedtime stories, far too young to have such an attitude as she does Dean thinks but he's not sure when children are supposed to get attitudes, he always had one and he knows Jo was born with hers, his Jo not Sam and Ambers.

"Whatever." She says and goes to brush her teeth.

"Looks like it's just you and me kiddo." Dean says. "You still want a story or are you too grown up for your Uncle Dean?"

"No I want a story." Jo says, it's strange but he can only call her Jo in his mind, she was Anna always, she liked it though. Anna scampered off to clean her teeth, once she was finished she grabbed Dean's had and pulled him into her room.

"Ok then An." Dean says. "What'll it be?"

"Princess Jo." Anna demands. "Please Uncle Dean?" her puppy dog eyes always kill him, she picked that up from her sister.

"Ok." He said. "What happened last time?"

"Princess Jo kicked the bad guys butt." Anna exclaims happily. Amber had been annoyed to discover that Dean was the reason Anna told him one afternoon that 'the Powerpuff girls kick butt'. Sam had thought it was kind of funny.

"Yeah she did." Dean says smiling. He'd first told her a story of Jo by accident, she'd been scared about the bogeyman and Dean had told her Jo had killed him, Anna had been confused.

"_I'm Jo." She'd said.  
"Yeah honey I know you are." Dean said. "But you're named for a very special lady."  
"Who?" Anna asked him.  
"Her name was Jo." Dean said and he told her all about her, Jo became a princess, shotguns became magic wands, holy water turned into potions and Latin translations stayed the same, Anna believed them to be magic spells and Den couldn't really disagree. Anna fell in love with the stories and Dean didn't mind telling them._

"Princess Jo is kind of like a superhero." Anna tells him in a sleepy voice as she stifles a yawn.

"Yeah, she was." Dean says and switches out the lamp, her nightlight glows.

"Uncle Dean?" Anna calls as he got to the door, he turns back to her tucked safely in her Disney Princess bed. "Do you think Princess Jo would like me?"

"I think she'd have loved you honey." Dean says. Anna smiles.

"That's good." She says. "I like her best of all out of everyone."

"Everyone?" Dean asks half teasing her.

"After you Uncle Dean." Anna promises him.

"Thank-you." Dean smiles.

"But you know what?" Anna asks.

"What?" Dean asks.

"I think Princess Jo liked you best of all." Anna says. It had taken some convincing to get Anna to believe her Uncle Dean was actually Prince Dean-o.

"I think so too." Dean says and he leaves her to sleep and dream of Princess Jo saving the world. Anna used to ask why Princess Jo couldn't come visit and Dean told her the only thing he could think of, Princess Jo had to go help the angels fight bad guys in heaven but she would always look over her and make sure she was safe. Anna called her an angel and Dean didn't disagree.

Another half an hour later Mary goes to bed right away when Dean asks her, she hugs him goodnight, much better than another 'whatever' and a roll of her eyes. Later Sam and Amber come home and Dean drives himself home and crawled into bed, he loved spending time with his nieces but sometimes he wondered what it would have been like if he and Jo had kids, she would have been a good mother, this he knew for sure, but would he have been a good father?

"_Dean tell Will he should have been in bed 20 minutes ago." Jo calls to him from downstairs. Dean looks into the study and finds their son on the computer.  
"Come on buddy, bedtime." He says, "You're mum's getting pretty steamed."  
"Just five more minutes Dad please?" Will asks, 10 years old, Dean thinks he's growing up too fast.  
"No can do my man." Dean says shaking his head. "I don't want your Mama mad at me."  
"Alright." Will sighs shutting down the computer and heading off to his room. Dean smiles and checks in on the twins, asleep soundly in their cribs before heading off to find his wife.  
"Is he in bed?" Jo asks when Dean comes up behind her.  
"Yep, Serena and Emily are asleep too." Dean said his arms wrapping around her body.  
"Good." Jo nods and Dean kisses her neck.  
"So..." he says.  
"So..." Jo smiles leaning back against him.  
"You wanna go upstairs?" Dean asks. Jo laughs softly.  
"The kids are asleep." She says.  
"I can be quiet." Dean smiles and spins her around to face him.  
"I can't." Jo says and Dean nearly dies right there, she moves herself away from him and Dean's a little disappointed but Jo grabs a baby monitor and then his hand.  
"Where are we going?" Dean asks smiling.  
"Been a long time since you've had me in the back of the Impala?" Jo asks grinning.  
"Far too long." Dean says.  
"Well then we can fix that." Jo grins. They're still teenagers at heart despite being married for 11 years with 3 kids and a house and both working, Jo with Ellen to run the Roadhouse and Dean with Sam and Bobby owning the Winchesters garage. He wouldn't change a thing. A couple of hours later they slip into bed together and Jo feels warm against him, his hands intertwined with hers and he falls asleep happy._

Dean wakes up alone in a cold bed, his left hand missing a ring so badly he may as well be missing his hand, his body misses her warmth. He's happy being an uncle, Amber only has sisters so he's always going to be their favourite uncle but he had liked being a father, liked having a son and two daughters and Jo, William Jonathon was a nice tribute to both their fathers and Serena Ellen and Emily Samantha was a nice tribute to two important people in their lives, he wonders how William and Mary would have gotten along and he can see Anna, Emily and Serena playing together at family dinners. He sighs, putting away thoughts of the perfect life he's never had but always wanted. It's been 12 years, 3 months and 12 days, he knows because it's imprinted in his brain, he's hated every minute of it.

"I miss you Jo." He says into the darkness. "So damn much it hurts."


End file.
